tiistai 20. joulukuuta 2011

Panic attack.

Weeks and months of talk and rumours of the event where people drink SO much and act SO irresponsibly and throw up SO much.

Dark room, flashing lights.

The smell of alcohol and cigarettes.

Music, so loud that you can't hear where people walk, where the doors are. Don't even imagine having conversations.

So dark you can't see the persons face and eyes even when they're beside you.

Buffet table with foreign food you don't recognize. Are there nuts?

People asking why you are quiet - those people you would never want to know. Others don't ask and I can't share.

The symptoms of a panic attack I had a year ago came back yesterday while preparing for the Christmas party.

It was difficult to breath. Difficult to talk without crying, so I cried alone. I felt dizzy and counted minutes go by. But I managed to sit still for the meal, I can recall one conversation I had and I fled to my room early, found my earplugs and slept restlessly while the hell down below was screaming and shouting together with the bass and the artists on the dj's playlist.

2 kommenttia:

jude kirjoitti...

Mikä tahansa mitä yritin kirjoittaa tähän näyttää tosi lattealta. Tuu tänne, halataan.

neitinomad kirjoitti...

No eilen oli kyllä vielä vähän latteaa, tänään aamulla samoin, kun vanhan viinan dunkkiksessa mopattiin tahmeita lattioita. Mut kiitos sympatiseerauksesta, tiedänpä lähteä ajoissa alta pois ennen seuraavia isoja kemuja. Tuun teille viimeistään sitten 2.1., nähdään ja halataan pian!